Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Heavy Heart (Would've Been Due Date)

Well tomorrow is the day I've been secretly dreading since I miscarried in May. Tomorrow, December 30th, was my due date. It's been quite a journey to get here, and by no means has it been a smooth one. I think about this every single day, and some days it takes over most, if not all of my thoughts. Right about now I'm thinking about all of the "would have beens" and it's not easy. Everyone told me that Christmas was going to be tough this year, especially approaching the 30th. I thought to myself that I'd be fine, and am far from it.

I had no idea that something like this would take so long to heal. I had no idea that something like this would have me grieving for so long. Nor did I know that having something for only a short time, would leave such a big whole in my heart. I didn't know that being pregnant not even 2 months and losing it could make you feel so empty and robbed.

I do know that while that little bugger was in there I was very happy, and it WILL happen again. I'd give anything in the whole world to be that nauseated and exhausted again.

So since tomorrow is going to be a tough day here for us, we decided to turn it around into a good day. So by chance Scott's sister and brother in law, as well as my nieces asked us to go to the beach over night. If you ask me, the timing couldn't be any better. So tomorrow we're up bright and early! I took off work, we're stopping for coffee and we're off. Our hotel has it's own ice skating rink, and heated pool, I'm so excited! We're ready for a fun day and night away for sure!!!

There is no way that I could have survived these last several months without Scott. I know for sure that he his hurting so much too. Yet, he's always there when I'm having a moment and need to cry, and believe me it's a lot. I'm so grateful for my family, and friends, including my wonderful FB friends who give more support than I could have ever asked for. I thank everyone so much for being there during one of the most difficult times of my life.

Positive thoughts and moving forward.....