Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Pain and Loss

It has not been a good few weeks in the CF community. We've lost 3 people who I truly cared about and was friends with all in the matter of just over 2 weeks. This weekend brought such sad and tragic news as we lost 2 CF'ers who were actually best friends, just 2 days apart. The shock, and sheer hysterics doesn't even begin to cover these feelings felt lately.

I hate this. I hate this so much. I don't know any other word to use to attempt to describe it. Infinite tears have been shed, and I know It's not the end of them either. It's just not fair. I won't ask "Why" but I can't help but wonder....WHY!?

I've contemplated taking a break from the CF forums, and even from Facebook. But then I wonder, am I running away from this? I don't know. I love, and I really mean this when I say it...I love the relationships and the friendships that I've made over the years with my fellow CF'ers. It's times like these though, when I feel like I can't do this, I can't watch this sadness around me. I can't watch people lose their lives with the disease that I have. I can't stand to feel helpless and just watch this sorrow. This is a dark place.

Last night I just couldn't shake the feeling of just not wanting to be alone and scared. Scott is back to school, but I just could not sit in this house alone. So I turned a lot of negatives into positives. I went up to the gym last night with my best friend and stayed on the treadmill for 50 minutes. Infact, I did a 5K. Take that CF!

Please, whatever your faith or belief is...If you could please take a moment out of your day to remember those who have lost their battle lately. Remember their families, children, life, and friends they've left behind.

Missing Geneva, Tom, and Tina.


Colleen said...

These times are hard for our community. Much love to you Cyster.

niki36 said...

I share a lot of the same feelings, Jess. This month has been especially difficult. It makes me question having so many CFers in my life, because the pain hurts SO MUCH when you hear news like this past weekend. But I can't imagine not having all of these wonderful people in my life. And what a difference it's made knowing them all and knowing that we. are. not. alone.
Losing friends to this awful disease is truly heartbreaking, but I am thankful for the experiences and common bond we share. Most of my life I felt like the only person in the world with CF. Facebook, blogs, cysticlife, they have all made such an impact on this community. I believe it is times like these that bring us closer .. & give us motivation to keep fighting for those who have lost their battles. xoxoxo