What's My Name?

So lately I have been questioning if my name should really be Jessica. Here's why...

For example, at work I introduce myself as the patients nurse Jessica, etc, only to have them come over to me once they are dischared to say "Thanks SO MUCH Jennifer!" Gah!

The other day I had the CF pharmacy call me to and left a message asking if "Jennifer" is ready for a refill on her prescriptions. Hmmm nope, but Jessica is ;)

Now I have people calling my cell phone asking to speak to "Candy" which is strange since I've had the same # for years now. And on a side note, every time they ask to talk to "Candy" I suddenly crave skittles.

Today I placed an order for steamed crabs and shrimp. Upon picking up my order which was placed under "Jess" I find out my order is infact under the name "Jeff."

I'm seriously debating changing my name ;)

Anxiety and Decisions

My boss ahem "resigned" 2 weeks ago and I was offered the job as Nurse Manager of our center. The chief of the practice, and the practice administrator came to be privately and offered me the job that same day. I accepted. Now I'm not sure If I'm happy...at all.

For the past 6.5 years I have loved my job, and truly enjoyed going to work each day. I loved my job in all aspects, and felt like what I did mattered. Taking care of my patients made my day.

Now it appears that I will be doing mostly administrative stuff, and so far I feel like a "paper-pusher." My patient care time with be almost non existant, as I will be in charge, and have a Nurse that already has filled my position as a floor nurse. I'm scared.

I know that I have to be fair and give this job a chance. But what if I hate it? What If I made a huge mistake? I think I would feel like a failure to tell them I'm unhappy and want my old job back. Granted I didn't apply for this, I did it because they asked me to. I know I can do it, and keep telling myself If my old boss could do it, anyone can!

I just don't like bringing work home with me. I don't like worrying if I did everything right. I'm unsure of myself right now and don't like that feeling. I'm anxious as of recently, and have had significant knots in my stomach. I'm trying so hard to think positively, but it's hard without a million thoughts going through my head. I have to travel (a tiny bit, but still) for this job too. I don't think @ 30 years old I want to be done taking care of patients :( And I certainly don't want the stress level to affect my health.

I'm so unsure of myself right now...

Why thank you CF...(gross)

Thank you Mr. CF for making me cough so hard the other night that I threw up in my hand. Wow. Sorry, but it's true. I was in the middle of doing my "Huff" coughs and right there in my hand it happened. Ew. I'm pretty sure that was a first for me. I mean sure, I've coughed so hard I saw stars, got nauseated, got light headed, you name it...But vomiting in my hand, yup that goes in the books.

I'm reallllllllly hoping that doesn't happen again. It was definitely one of those "You know you have CF when..." moments.