Severe Case of the "Blahs"

I'm a big blah head these last few days. TONS going on with my family right now which has had me a little more than upset, shocked, stressed, worried, fearful, and everything in between. Hence this hasn't made me feel too "bloggy" unfortunately. I'd much rather post about other positive stuff, instead of this stuff right now believe me.

However this is life, and it's not always the way you want it to be. So I'm trying to "wash my hands" of this bad stuff going on and keep my head up high. I have lots to be thankful for and I need to focus on that.

I went to a Card Reader for the first time in my life on Friday night. A coworker of mine was having it, and as leary and afraid as I was, it was pretty cool. Of course with this stuff you can kind of twist it and make whatever they say a reality. However 2 of things this woman said to me were dead on 100%. Wow.

So it's time to refocus things, get my perspective back, and move on. I've been doing great at the GYM, my FEV1 is oustanding for me, and I feel Healthy. These things should make me smile. The rest....well I need to realize some things are just out of my hands, and that's ok.

Emotions running wild

Today was very productive despite me still being voiceless and still having the inflammation stuff going on. The Prednisone feels like it is working so far, but I still don't feel 100%....I'm being a little impatient I know. The only side effect thus far from Prednisone is hunger. Last night I was in bed then suddenly wanted to devour a bag of Cheetos, so I did ;) I'm still a little inflamed and can hear I'm a little wheezy, but better than I was for sure. I also made myself get back outside today and bike ride for 25 minutes. I sure felt great afterwards and got an awesome meter reading from it. I pulled some muscles in my back actually doing the meter so that wasn't any fun. Sheesh. This whole flare up has definitely gotten to me and I just want to feel better. Oh and have my voice again too please.

Got lots knocked off the to-do list today which was nice. Washed both dogs, washed both vehicles, including vacuuming and interior stuff, cleaned the house, did laundry, and caught up on all the odds and ends type things. So I'm happy to have gotten many things accomplished.

Last night was great too. We had a nice time at the cook out and got to see baby Ally too which always makes my day. I made a new recipe hooray!! I love cooking!! It turned out really well too, it was a "Dessert Pizza" yummy! Pretty easy too, just rolled out sugar cookies that were baked, topped with cool-whip ( I also added almond extract), then topped with fresh fruit. I chose strawberries, pineapples, and peaches. It was delicious! Then on the way home we stopped by my brother and sister in laws for a minute and they gave us a ton of steamed crabs to take home! Now that's the type of carry-out I'm talking about! So that was tonights dinner in true Marylander fashion :)

Here's where the emotions come into play. I just found out that one of my Facebook friends with CF passed away today. I've been thinking of her and praying for her everyday. I'm so deeply saddened, scared, and heartbroken for her family. I also found out that another member of one of the CF sites I'm on passed away as well. So incredibly sad and It just makes you pause and sort of go numb. Also knowing that another Facebook CF friend is in critical health right now in the hospital awaiting transplant, it's just hard. I can't even explain it........Then on a much lighter note following these feelings..my cousin had a baby shower today and I couldn't go to it. I just still cry and have days where the miscarriage makes me so incredibly sad. I try so hard to think positive and use "The Secret" but at the same time I know that right now I couldn't sit in a room full of babies, and expectant mothers when I'm still devistated over losing that. Part of me feels selfish and I don't want to be that way. But the other part of me feels like that is normal to still be sad and grieve and it's ok to feel that way. I don't know....

So the emotions are running rampant today and I'm just sort of blah. Rest in peace to those CF'ers who are now gone, you will be missed :( This makes me want to kick CF's ass even harder than ever!

What a week

This week was not a good one. My patient is not doing well and prognosis is grave :( I haven't been able to shake this all week, neither has anyone for that matter. It's heartbreaking to see how it's effecting everyone. Not to be a big negative person, because I try not to but this week has just all around been crappy. It all stems from the code too...taking worries home, being pissy, easily annoyed etc. and I hate it because it's not me. On the bright side of things, I guess I should be happy that when things happen like this it still hits me this hard. I don't ever want to become immune to situations like this just because I'm a nurse and "it happens." I don't care, that's not who I am.

I'm extremely happy to say that after a crap-tastic week I'm looking forward to a semi-quiet weekend. Tomorrow hurricane Hanna is supposed to blast us. I find that as an excellent excuse to stay put and chill. I'm thinking...enjoy the rain, have coffee, read some cookbooks, get some things done that I've wanted to do. My main goal is just to turn off my brain.