Mom Update (still In)

First off, I'd like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your loving comments, concerns, FB messages, etc. I am so fortunate to have such wonderful friends, and I am grateful for you all so much. It makes difficult and trying times like these easier with the strength of friends and family.

So a lot has gone on the last few days. To sum it up, she had an EGD and Colonoscopy in the hospital. The Dr. that consulted her I'm not a big fan of. I used to work at that hospital and unfortunately (or fortunately) know too much. So I talked to the Doctors @ my practice, they were on the phone immediately to help my Mom. Turns out one of my Docs did her procedure which made us feel a ton better. My Mom has one small but powerful advocate on her hands ;)
The Dr. called me personally to tell me the cause of her anemia was not and GI abnormality thank goodness! So no cancer, masses, polyps, etc. She has "Macrocytic Anemia" and long story short she is extremely Folic Acid deficient. Deep breath and sigh of relief, this is an easy fix.

Since Mom is "stable" she was transferred yesterday to a Nursing Home for Physical Therapy and rehabilitation. I'm happy that she is making progress, but am not thrilled she's in a Nursing Home. I've done clinical rotations there, and know the heart break of working there, and the sadness of those poor patients. I keep telling myself Mom's not there long term, just for P.T. and then she can come home. It's just heart wrenching, and sad. I'm the kind of person who wants to save everyone, and take all those little cuties home with me and rescue them.

I just got home from visiting Mom there for the first time. It was sad, and as soon as she saw me she cried....a lot. Heck, I did too, because it just doesn't feel right not having her at home with my Dad. However she's got to do this, and we're behind her every step of the way.

I've taken a step back and realized how true it is that my CF has to come first. I'm certainly no good to her, my Dad, or anyone If I'm not healthy. I should know better, but I guess seeing your Mom go through stuff, makes it hard for me not to want to take care of everyone else first. But I'm happy to report, I've been going to the gym, getting a lot more rest, and am feeling great. Run down at times, but making sure my health is first and foremost. I even treated myself yesterday to a fresh haircut and highlights. It's the little things :)

We have a long road ahead of us, but are in progress of knocking those road blocks down, one by one. Thank you all for your continued support and prayers. XO

Thinking of My Mom in the Hospital

I can't begin to explain how rough the last week has been. If I tried to blog about it all it would be a novel, not just a blog post. So If you all don't mind, I'm going to just do some brief little blurbs to fill you all in.

My Mom has been in the hospital since last week, and will continue to be in for a little while. Not going into great details on here, but if you like, feel free to message me on FB.

It has been very scary these last few days, but we are doing the best we can for her.

She's where she needs to be to get the help and health issues back on track.

I've been a ball of nerves, hence barely eating normally for the last week or so.

I'm trying to make my CF nebs and health priority, but it's hard when your mother is in the hospital.

I've felt kind of helpless recently.

I'm exhausted, as is my family.

I wish I had a sibling to split the duties and responsibilites right now.

I've spent countless hours on the phone the last few days with Nurses, Social workers, family, and friends.

Sleep has been minimal, and when I do sleep I'm dreaming about Mom in the hospital.

We're mentally and physically exhausted.

I've spent countless hours @ my parent's house this last week cleaning, and helping out.

I remain hopeful and appreciate to any prayers that have been sent our way. Please keep them coming.

I always knew I had great friends, co-workers, and family, but boy....they really are amazing, and we're so grateful!

I'm hoping it can only get better from here! Thank you for your thoughts.

Severe Case of the "Blahs"

I'm a big blah head these last few days. TONS going on with my family right now which has had me a little more than upset, shocked, stressed, worried, fearful, and everything in between. Hence this hasn't made me feel too "bloggy" unfortunately. I'd much rather post about other positive stuff, instead of this stuff right now believe me.

However this is life, and it's not always the way you want it to be. So I'm trying to "wash my hands" of this bad stuff going on and keep my head up high. I have lots to be thankful for and I need to focus on that.

I went to a Card Reader for the first time in my life on Friday night. A coworker of mine was having it, and as leary and afraid as I was, it was pretty cool. Of course with this stuff you can kind of twist it and make whatever they say a reality. However 2 of things this woman said to me were dead on 100%. Wow.

So it's time to refocus things, get my perspective back, and move on. I've been doing great at the GYM, my FEV1 is oustanding for me, and I feel Healthy. These things should make me smile. The rest....well I need to realize some things are just out of my hands, and that's ok.

Dear Gym,

I know our relationship has been a little rocky lately. I haven't been showing up for our dates like you are used to, and I am so sorry for standing you up. I admit, It is our of character for me, but rest assure that I am not cheating on you. There could never be another Gym like you, really, I promise. I know you're used to seeing me about 4 days a week, and I'm sorry, truly, but it had to be this way recently.

You see Gym, my love, darling, I've been fighting a pretty nasty infection here these last several weeks. And well let's face it I just didn't have it in me being all short of breath and stuff. There is no excuse for my behavior, and I really did miss you dearly. I hope you can forgive me.

On that note Gymmie, I hope you are happy that you did see me 2 days last week, but I'm sure that wasn't enough for you either, as I was dissatisfied equally. So here's the deal Gymbo, I'm back! That's right, I'm back in action and you will be seeing me 4 days a week again. I'm hoping we can rekindle this 'hot' romance once again. Bye Bye Infection....and I mean it! GOODBYE!

Love,
Your sweaty salty partner,
Jess

(Woo hoo for running 1.37 miles today during my lunch break!)