Fall Happening's

Fall is my absolute favorite season! I look forward to it all year long and really try to enjoy each and every day. We've had an eventful Fall thus far...

I had my Picc line in for 3 weeks which made me feel great!

Poor Scott got a nasty cold and was sick for over a week..

He then passed it to his lovely wife (ahem, me) and I'm anxiously awaiting it's departure ;)

We went to our local Renaissance festival and ate our hearts out

We have went to several Fall festivals in our area

Drank countless glasses of hot apple cider

Picked apples at an orchard

Went on a Hayride with my nieces

Tried apple fritters for the first time (YUM!)

Picked pumpkins off the vine at a pumpkin patch

Went to our favorite yard sale fall festival about an hour away and cleaned up

Made a few loaves of pumpkin bread

Enjoyed a band at our favorite local winery

Next up:

Carving Pumpkins

Dressing up for Halloween!!

The Blog lock-out is over

Yikes, for the life of me my blog has NOT let me sign in for about 2 weeks now. I've racked my brain for reasons why, but for some reason today it let me sign in. Great! It hasn't let me comment on other blogs either, so I do apologize for that. I have to say I'd just sit here and hit "Comment" after "Comment" and nothing. Here's hoping she's all fixed now :)

A lot has happened lately, so in my true to slacker-not-able-to-log-in-fashion, It's a list on the blog type of day..

-For starters the Picc is gone! Yay! It was removed yesterday at work, which was exactly 3 weeks from placement. Feeling good and hoping things continue in that direction.

-Our CF community lost a very near a dear person to me recently. Nicole lost her battle as did her little boy. It's been very difficult lately thinking about her and everything that happened. She is on my mind so very much.

-I officially entered the world of CFRD on August 30th. Been feeling it for a while now, so we decided I needed to keep track of my sugars. Sure enough I landed myself on a carb counting adventure with the help of a Novalog insulin pen. Her name is "Penny." ;)

-I've been trying very hard to enjoy every moment of my most favorite season, FALL! We went to a pumpkin patch, apple orchard, did a hay ride, and have been to 2 Fall festivals. Love this!

-I ran the 2nd annual "Out Run CF" race. I chose to do a 5K with the picc line in tow. It went well and I was so happy to have been able to do it.

-I've recently begun to start "couponing." Not crazy hoarding or anything, just watching for deals on the things that we actually need. So far so VERY good! It's pretty cool to see all the $ we can save.

-Being the crazy person I am, I've started getting some early Christmas shopping done. I've gotten all of my nieces and both of my Goddaughters finished already. Definitely a good feeling :D

-I continue to run at least 4 days a week and love it. There just isn't anything else that makes me feel so great.

That's it for now. Just coming off of IV's yesterday has officially made me feel like I've been hit by a mack truck. I can't remember the last time I felt this exhausted, or slept so deep. Shew. Back to relaxing :)

Think Before you Speak, pretty please.

Today was a rough one I have to admit. Work was going well, and I was taking care of my patients just moving right along. I was getting an older gentleman ready and he started to ask questions about me. After some chatting he asked me If I was married, yes...how long I was a Nurse, and so on....Then he asked me if I had any children. I replied No. He responded by telling me how I'm really missing out and that I'm really missing something not having children. I held back my tears (not for long) and told him I had lost a baby 2 years ago and have had a tough time ever since. Of course he felt terrible, but I don't care.

I composed myself long enough to finish his IV and get out the door. I could feel it brewing and one of my fellow Nurses asked me If I was ok, and bam the flood gates open. I couldn't hold the tears back any longer.

It's been a very long time since I've cried like this over pregnancy/miscarriage stuff. I think about it every single day, but today was difficult.

I just really really wish people would think before they speak. You never ever know what kind of battle someone is fighting on the inside...

Where do I even begin????

Ok so I've officially crowned myself as the worst blogger in history. I don't know what my deal is here lately. Perhaps I'm just feeling a little bit boring? I'm not sure. So, yes I'm doing the generic gigantic update in 1 post. I haven't been posting my exercise here, sorry. I promise I just slapped my own hand. However I log my daily activity on Facebook in a group started by one of my Cysters. It's so convenient, and motivating too! Ok ok, as for me lately...

VEST-After having the same Vest since 1999, I got myself a sweet upgrade ;) It's rather small, and doesn't weight 800 million pounds. I'm pretty excited about it, especially since I'm so far behind the times Vest wise.

ZENPEP- I started the new enzymes since Ultrase is no longer available. So far so good I have to say. I still have some adjusting and figuring things out but overall I like them. What I like even more is the Z-points program. It's pretty awesome getting HTS, Vitamins, etc. Loving that.

WORK-I made the decision to step down from my current position as Nurse Manager. It's just so not my style at all. I do not have the personality that a manager has to have. The biggest part of my decision to step down was that I miss being a Nurse SO BADLY!!! Being the manager means I am a "paper pusher" and I'm so not a fan at all. I miss my patients. So as of May 24th I am no longer Nurse Manager and indeed, RN again!!! YAHOO!! I can't wait for that level of stress in my life to be gone.

RUNNING-I've been running at least 4 times a week at the gym still. I decided to restart the Couch to 5K plan a few weeks ago. I completed the program and am running a 5K tomorrow in Baltimore. I did a 1 mile race this morning in Annapolis to support special olympics. It was really touching. A young boy with Downs Syndrome slapped me a big high five after the race and told me good job. My heart melted slightly. I signed up for another 5K in June. Keep em' coming :)

GRADUATION!!-This is by far the most important and biggest news on this blog. My wonderful husband graduated college for the, ahem 2nd time!!! I'm so proud of him. He now has another degree in the Computer field. I am SO SO SO SO SO proud of him! He has worked so hard and had a lot of obstacles this semester (mainly with my health scare in February). I think he is amazing!!!

HEALTH-I can't express at all how fortunate I am for how I've been feeling. I think about that flu I had in February every.single.day. I mean it, not a single day goes by where I don't stop and count my blessings. There were so many things I was uncertain of and afraid of. It hit me hard, but gave me the most amazing perspective I've ever had in my life. I will remind myself daily of how rough and scary that was. It pushes me harder and harder to go after everything I want in life. My only gripe right now is Mr. Prednisone. He's visiting me right now because of my insane allergies. As much as I love him, I sort of hate him too. You guys who've been on it understand!

Well that's it for now. I am certain I forgot to mention big stuff, but that's ok. I'm just happy I dusted off this dusty blog and showed it some love again!

Today, CF didn't seem so bad...

Too many times in the Nursing field we have to tell patients bad, or grave news. Does it ever get easier? No, absolutely not. We had a patient today that came in to be evaluated for abdominal pain. As a GI Nurse I expect to see the usual, non life threatening findings post operatively. Not today.

She is only 43 years young, and prior to even starting her IV we got bad news. The radiologist called to tell us her CT scans showed cancer "everywhere." It has taken over her entire abdominal cavity, and beyond. I think it may have been one of the saddest cases we've ever seen.

We brought back the family to talk to them which we do with every patient, as they have just been sedated. She knew before the Doctor even spoke. She cried, her parents cried, we cried...There was nothing we could say. She began to gasp for breath and said "This is treatable right? I want to Live." At that moment our hearts were torn in half for her.

I later spoke privately to her doctor and asked him about her prognosis. He said she probably won't be here in 6 months :( It was today that I got some amazing perspective about my disease, my life, and my care. I think we are still numb from this patient, but if anything I tried to put a positive spin on these events, and thought, you know what sometimes CF isn't so bad.

Today's exercise consisted of 25 minutes of jogging on the treadmill.

Avoiding the Plague

Scott has had a terrible cold/virus since last Friday. I've been doing everything possible to avoid it believe me. It does help to live in a split foyer I must say. Scott's been living downstairs and I've been upstairs. I think we've both washed our hands to the point where they just may fall off ;) Oh well, you can't be too careful right? I just hope he gets to feeling better soon, I don't catch it, and we can actually be in the same room together. I really have missed my buddy aka wonderful husband this week for sure.

Bad Experience

I've always been told I should have been a counselor. Being a Nurse, in a sense I am a counselor among wearing many other hats. I'm the person in the grocery store that random strangers gravitate to and start conversations with. I've been told I have "a way" about me, and people are drawn to that. In our family and in life I suppose I've always been the peace keeper, middle man, and "the nice one."

Well on my business trip this week, that was cut short because of the acts of a stalker. Sparing details, I was followed, it got bad, and I was flown home urgently. I am still shaken up and can't seem to shake this awful sense of pure "creepy-ness" and I hate it.

I hate how someone took the person that I am and used those qualities to make me feel scared, and actually terrified as to what may have happened. How do you get past someone making you question who you are? I'm just not sure....

Luckily I have the most amazing support system, loving, and abundantly caring people in my life. And for this I am truely grateful.

Sorry to Disappoint

Have you ever felt like no matter what you do it’s just not enough? Or maybe it’s that your efforts just aren’t noticed? Perhaps that’s how I’m feeling these last few weeks. I don’t like to focus on the stressful stuff, but rather just go day to day and make the best of situations and do my best. Well sometimes best isn’t good enough.

I’m doing my best to take care of myself first and foremost. Let’s face it, even in rough times there’s no room for skipping treatments or the gym. It’s just not something I do. So it’s become a struggle to keep up with work, gym, help Dad with taking care of my parent’s dogs on my way home, try to visit Mom at Nursing Home (if time allows), then feel the guilt of not visiting, attempt to fix dinner (not happening) and spend quality time with my husband, try to get to bed early, only to get up at 4:30 am and get to work to start the cycle all over again. And that my friends, is every single day.

Needless to say that leaves me no time to try to keep up with the phone calls, messages, and emails that have been accumulating for the past month. I’m sure, scratch that, I know that I’ve pissed off some of my family members with my lack of phone skills and updates on my Mom. Is it on purpose? Of course not, but I’m doing my best and I just wish people were a little more understanding, that’s all.

On top of these daily life fiascos right now, Scott’s Grandfather passed away. Poor guy has lost 2 family members in 2 weeks. Thinking positively that this is all happening for a reason, and will calm down soon….

When It Rains It Pours...

Things have been really crappy in the CF world recently. I can not believe that we've lost yet another friend to CF. It sucks, sucks bad. It makes me want to take a break from the forums and crawl in a hole for a little bit. But then I feel like I'm handling it the wrong way and turning my back on friends, and someone that may need me, as I need them. Again my way of dealing with these losses is just to push myself harder. I've kicking my own butt at the gym and am very happy with myself. Yesterday I did only the treadmill, and ran for 30 minutes. Woo was a I tired, oh and gross, salty, and sweaty ;) TOTALLY worth it!

Speaking of when it rains it pours...so today at work somehow the topic of discussion between 2 of the doctors was miscarriages, awesome! (NOT!) And guess who was accidentally included in this discussion?, ugh, me. I'm been queen emotional today, and this just set me off. I know I know, yes again it has set me off and I hate it. I would have been due in 20 days :( It's not easy to stay positive all the time when it comes to this baby thing, but God knows I try. Sometimes I just can't stop thinking about it. I knew December was going to be hard for me. I've been doing my best to keep it in, think positive, and not let it get the best of me. However, today I was unsuccessful. Oh well, there's always tomorrow.

Today I had to take care of a patient who was blind, deaf, and mentally challenged. I feel like this patient was sent to me to give me some perspective. Despite being kicked and scratched by this poor patient I am grateful for taking care of her today. Things could be worse, and someone always have a worse situation going on. This poor woman broke my heart. She kicked, scratched, and cried.

Please please please let this day get better. I'm so sick of the negativity lately :(

Tuesday Ten

Ten Things about My Day Today....

1. I actually stopped on the way to work today and got a giant 24 oz. coffee @ 0530, yum.

2. I had some of the most difficult IV sticks in the 7 years I've been a nurse today. To the point that I actually put an IV in a patients knuckle. I'm seriously debating going into IV therapy Nursing....

3. Came home from work and did a kick-butt 25 minute workout on the Eliptical that is now FIXED!!!

4. Enjoyed some good Thunderstorms in the area.

5. Ate a GIANT bowl of Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries for dinner (nutritious right?) ;)

6. Listened to a lot of Depeche Mode and Twilight (The Score) on iTUNES.

7. Kept re-reading a card my friends 3 year old daughter made for me yesterday, telling me how much she liked me.....seriously enough to just melt my heart.

8. Got a catalog containing HALLOWEEN SCRUBS! Wow can't believe Fall is around the corner, LOVE IT!

9. May have inspired some of my co-workers to start running with me after work. Actually mapped out how many laps around our complex would be a mile run.

10. And now I'm headed to a funeral for a co-worker at our satelite office. Suddenly while at her desk last week, she became unresponsive, had a stroke, and died. So sad. A clear reminder that we truly never know what can happen and to cherish each day given to us, no matter how stressful things may be at times. Off to pay my respects and be thankful for my own life and opportunities.....

All Good Things

Today was a really good day plain and simple. It was just one of those days where unexpected nice things just happen all around. Here's some of them:

~I had a deaf patient today with and interpretor. Before the patient left after her procedure they came over to sign and interpret to me that I was the "Best Nurse" it made my day.

~Then one of the my favorite doctors came to me today to ask when my next vacation was so he could plan our works annual summer party around it. I was so flattered and touched by that. Have I mentioned I really love my job and who I work for?

~I got the chance to catch up today with one of my oldest guy friends. We've been friends for about 20 years. We'd been playing phone tag and it was just nice to catch up on life.

~We had awesome and I mean awesome thunderstorms here, including monsterous hail. Yes I love storms.

~I laughed so much and so hard at work today that my muscles actually ached. Now mind you I'm always laughing but today was to a whole new level.

~My legs hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt so baldy from my recent mile runs. Makes me very happy to feel a difference on many levels. I decided however today my legs would get a much deserved break. I think I heard them do a happy sigh of relief ;)

Blah

Not sure if the blog break is really over honestly. Things have been a little down here recently. Had a miscarriage and am just trying to be positive again. I know things will work out I'm just still in the phase of blah-ness.....